Turning 40

Turning 40

When I was about 38, I started to go through a phase.. a phase I now call “emotional roller coaster”. It was scary, depressing, sad with a lot of questions on my mind. I thought at first maybe it was hormonal, maybe I am going through some perimenopause, I though it was kids, and some other hormonal imbalance associated with pregnancies.. but more I researched within me, more I found my answers. I was afraid to get older, to turn 40. I didn’t like that I had more wrinkles. I was uncertain about what I wanted in my life. I wasn’t sure what I liked any more and who I liked anymore. I didn’t want to just go with the flow and waste my time. And my list just goes on and on…

Turning 40 is nothing like turning 30.. You can’t even compare those 2. Those are like day and night. I remember turning 30 was such a breeze, fun, it was just a milestone. But thinking about turning 40 I had tears on my eyes.. That scary thought that I will never be 30 again (why didn’t I feel the same when I turned 30 – that thought never scared me that I will never be 20again). But that 40 milestone was freaking me out! My next milestone after turning 40 would be 50!

I didn’t know what to do and how to get to the bottom of what’s happening. I didn’t like the word depressed as it has a very strong meaning to it and wasn’t going to settle for that and compare what I went through with depression. I googled, I searched for books that could talk about this. All I found was perimenopause, menopause, (which didn’t apply to me as my hormones and everything physically was at 100% normal) and things to do after you retire or turn 60. I couldn’t find blogs on going from that 30s to those 40s. Nothing was there, nothing could tell me I am not going crazy I am not alone…

For men they call this period “mid-life crisis”.. but there is no such thing about women. If anything blame goes to hormones, kids, whatever really.. But no one really addressed it appropriately. But so many women go through such mid life crisis!

Anyways… I started a journal just to jot down my thoughts, my craziness in my head. I wrote down what was bothering me that day/week/month, broke it down into pieces as to why, what I could do about it, and are my immediate steps to take that worry away from me. One thing after another I solved my puzzle, I solved my “emotional roller coaster” and figured out what caused it. I found “solutions” to some of the things, some things I agreed I would change and some I agreed to accept as I couldn’t change them. One day at a time I would look back to my notes, add, question myself, look at it again in a week or a month, I had a constant reminder where I wanted to be and what I needed to do.

As I continued to research I couldn’t believe out all the books out there, there was no book about aging for women that go from their 30s to their 40s. I couldn’t have ever imagined, but I decided to turn my journal into a book. There I though, if I could help at least one other woman who is going through what I went through, my book will be all worth it!

As I was working on turning my journal into a workbook I spoke to so many people (men and women) and they felt same way I did (some were going through it as I was talking to them!). I realized then, I really was not alone and I was not going crazy! And so many people feel like they are alone because this maybe not the easiest thing to talk about, not the conversation you can just have.

I created my “Perfect 40!” book as a workbook as well with questions at the end of each chapter. It gives a reader a chance to reflect at the end of each chapter and jot down their notes, their observations, their concerns.

“Perfect 40!” book had an amazing feed back this far, and continues to help a lot of people around the word. It is available in all formats, and here is link if you are interested Amazon https://a.co/d/5ugkkzj or https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/perfect-40-lana-shabdeen/1143292178?ean=9798988021100