Boundaries…
You know how some people don’t have any idea of the concept of boundaries. Those people do not think anything like that exists. Others know about boundaries but think there is no need for them. But the older you get the more you realize that we all need boundaries. There are several types of boundaries, but the ones I will be mainly discussing in this blog are mental boundaries. Although physical boundaries are just as important, we will be talking about mental boundaries for now as they’re harder to recognize than physical boundaries.
What is a boundary? A boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area, a dividing line. You must establish boundaries with everyone. If you don’t most people will walk in and out of your life whenever they feel like it while doing whatever they want. They may leave without notice and return without notice as well. They can leave trash, abscond with your valuables, and utterly waste your time. You name it! These people will do as they please, just like a horrible tenant. All the while you may not even realize that you have a horrible tenant like that in your life. It’s easier to recognize the bad “tenants” in the lives of others, while not even realizing that this is what’s happening in your life, and to YOU.
It is important for all of us to set boundaries in every relationship, and these include any friends, people you’re dating, your spouse, acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, and so forth. Every type of relationship, whether it’s a family member, casual friend, or intimate partner, needs to respect your boundaries.
Most of the time it’s difficult to recognize when someone is crossing that boundary. They can even be among the closest people to you. It’s really hard distinguishing the “good tenants” from the “bad tenants.”
What I have done throughout my life is to try and learn the lessons that life is teaching me, and in doing that I have learned to trust my gut feelings. If something doesn’t feel right, even if it only feels a tiny bit off, then it probably is not right for me. So, if you get this uncomfortable feeling, process it. Write things down or type them up, whatever works best for you. Make a list of the pros vs. the cons, the benefits and drawbacks. And when you see one outweighing the other, make your decision based on that.
Try to really limit your time with the bad tenants, they will not only ignore your boundaries, but they will also trash your life, waste your time, and make you look and feel like you’re the bad one! Once they’re gone DO NOT let them back into your life. If they have done it once, they will find another way to cross your boundaries while trashing your life and wasting your time again. Unless you have superpowers that can change others, you would be at risk. You decide.
We all have had those “nosy nellies” as coworkers who want to know everything about us, our weekend, our activities, and whatever they can pry out of us. You know what I mean. They are constantly sticking their nose into your life, poking a little here and a lot there. All this time they are pretending to be your good friend. And then you find out that they are talking smack about you behind your back. This has happened to me A LOT with me catching on too late and finally realizing what it is that they were really doing.
They walked right past my boundaries, got what they wanted from me, walked away, and talked smack about me. Why? BECAUSE doing that made them feel a little better about themselves. Simple! That’s why they do what they do! These are miserable people who will always be like that.
There is almost nothing that can change them, and obviously there is no way you or anyone else could explain to them what they did wrong. They never feel that they crossed any sort of boundary. They are never wrong, and if they are confronted, they will turn it around and blame the whole thing on you. Hence, another reason for staying away from these toxic people.
As mentioned earlier, these boundary rules also apply to family and friends. Family members can be a bit tougher to deal with and determine boundaries for. You can’t always cut them out of your life, but you can definitely limit your time with them and what they can do and say to you. Set boundaries and make sure in a very nice way that they know they exist and what they are.
Sometimes we can get confused about someone who’s crossing our boundaries. We think they are genuinely concerned about us. But we’re wrong because as it turns out, they are really up to something that’s totally messed up. People like this can get information out of you for whatever reasons. Their reasons might be so they can gossip about you, try to outdo you, try to steal your ideas, try to hurt you in some way, and so many more.
So, be careful out there. Watch out for those nosy nellies. But remember that we all make mistakes, give in to lies, and trust people too soon and too easily. Just know that making a mistake is okay, but you have to learn from it. Even if you’ve made the same mistake several times, just make sure you learn from it.
Don’t forget, we need personal boundaries to protect ourselves and our loved ones!