Why Apologize in an Argument & Be the Bigger Person?
As kids, we used to be adamant about not apologizing when we’ve not done anything wrong. But as we grew up, you must’ve noticed that our perspective on apologizing has evolved, particularly to maintain our relationships. That said, nobody likes to be wrongly accused of doing something and then apologize for it later.
Sometimes, just the thought of apologizing to someone, even when we’ve done nothing wrong, makes us angry to our bones. In certain situations, people might even get too defensive or lash out at others involved, which only ends up making things worse.
However, in such times, apologizing might be necessary to dissolve the problem even if you’ve not done anything wrong. You should remind yourself that you’re taking responsibility for the outcome of the situation by apologizing and not admitting guilt. By doing so, you’ll not only improve the situation at hand but also provide a window of opportunity for the opposite party to talk to you once things have cooled down.
Some of the reasons why apologizing might be hard for people are – it seems like an admission of guilt and can also generate negative feelings of inadequacy in people. Apologizing might make some people feel that there’s something inherently wrong with them even though they’re not guilty.
Furthermore, some people also believe that being the first person to apologize after a fight implies they’re guilty of being in the wrong. They feel that if they apologize first, the other person might not take any responsibility for their actions in the situation.
While these emotions are completely valid, they can be replaced with feelings of self-affirmation if you think positively. If delivered correctly in any situation, apologizing can restore positive values in you and heal you spiritually. Apologies hold the power to heal relationships and soothe the hearts of people involved in the situation.
Why is it Important to Apologize?
“I’m sorry” can be one of the most powerful phrases you can say to someone. Therefore, it might not be easy to say “sorry” to someone sincerely. Here are some reasons why you must apologize to someone even if you aren’t wrong:
Prioritize Your Relationship:
Whenever you face any difficulties in a relationship, you have an instinct to blame it on the opposing party. Naturally, if the other person in a relationship is the one who’s done something wrong, then we often tend to feel superior about being right.
However, it takes emotional maturity for any person to prioritize the health of their relationship rather than one’s ego. If you apologize to your partner or friend, or family member for the pain that the argument has caused in a relationship, it reflects that you prioritize your relationship over anything else, even if it means letting go of any grudges.
Be a Better Leader:
Another situation in your daily life when apologizing, even when it’s not your fault, can come in handy is when you’re assigned the position of a leader. The role of a leader comes with its own set of responsibilities.
One of the most important responsibilities of a leader is to always take responsibility for any mistakes or downfalls of your team. A good leader is someone who takes one for the team and, in the process, sets an example for the team members.
It’s easy for a team leader to blame a lost project on any of the team members, but it takes strength to be a leader who apologizes to the clients or the boss of the company on behalf of their team and motivates the members to do better in the future.
Win the bigger Battle:
When it comes to maintaining relationships in the long run, it is important to understand that you’d have to face a lot of battles. In this long journey, if you fight with your partner over each and everything, life will become extremely difficult for you to live.
Therefore, it is important to choose your battles whenever it comes to maintaining a relationship. Sometimes, it’s better to apologize to your partner and lose the fight rather than lose your partner by choosing your ego over love.
Naturally, it’s much easier for us to take a dip in the pool of self-righteousness rather than be the bigger person. But when it comes to relationships, winning the heart of someone you adore is the most valuable thing in life.
How to Apologize to Someone?
Let’s be honest. When you haven’t done anything wrong, every fiber of your body screams and tells you to step back and move on without apologizing. However, if you want to let go of this practice, then you must learn to do a couple of tips:
- Try to understand the other person’s perspective and acknowledge that he or she might be hurt or offended by the argument you two have just had.
- Remember that an apology will reach the heart of your partner or friend only if you are sincere about it. For example, to diffuse a situation, you can say things like “I’m sorry for how my words made you feel” or “I’m sorry if my words have hurt your feelings in any way.”
- Always show the willingness to take ownership of the argument and reflect that you’re open to taking steps to prevent the same situation from happening in the future.
- Next, avoid making any excuses while apologizing. Instead, use phrases such as “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. I’ll make sure that this doesn’t happen again in the future.”
- Also, try to be specific whenever you’re apologizing. This reflects that you understand what went wrong and are willing to make efforts to correct the same. For example: try saying, “I’m sorry I spilled your coffee this morning,” rather than, “I’m sorry for what happened.”
- You may not always get an apology from the other person, but remember you are apologizing for your self first, to take away that weird feeling that you have.
Lastly, once you’ve apologized to someone, you should move on. This means, whatever reason the incident happened, you must learn from the it and put your grudges behind you. Just because you apologized, doesn’t meant it’s your fault. You are a bigger person to apologize. It takes courage to be a bigger and a better person and apologize. So don’t dwell upon what has happened in the past. Instead, continue to work on you.
References:
https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-apologize
https://www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-apologizing-3144986
https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/apologize