How to Resolve Fights in a Healthy Marriage?
They say that marriages are made in heaven. But your heaven can soon turn into hell if you and your partner fail to streamline your marital problems. The key to a happy relationship is learning to exist together happily while still maintaining your individual identity. This implies that the two of you love each other differently, have different values and morals that you live by, and, most importantly, you both deal with difficult situations in different ways.
Disagreements are inevitable; even the healthiest of relationships run into a rough patch every now and then. However, during such times, it is important to remember that it’s okay to fight in a relationship, and every couple goes through this stage at one time or the other.
When you spend considerable time with your partner, sometimes even a small difference in opinions can instigate a dispute between the two of you. However, when you feel that you’re fighting way more than you usually do, it’s time to step back and analyze your relationship. Before you begin to freak out about having back-to-back flights with your partner, remember that fighting with your partner is nothing but a reflection of your ability to handle matters of the heart.
In fact, you’d be surprised to learn that several psychologists advocate that occasional fighting in a relationship can actually be good for its growth. So, instead of focusing on the frequency, you need to focus on how the two of you can grow from these fights. Here are a few tips to help you through:
- Stop and Listen:
Whenever you’re in the middle of an argument or are feeling too emotional, it’s important to remember to listen to your partner. When you take time to respond to an argument, you will approach the situation in a more mature and calmer manner which can make both you and your partner feel better.
- Place Yourself in Your Partner’s Shoes:
Whenever you’re engaged in an argument with your partner, it is normal for your emotional system to feel overwhelmed. Take a pause, and try to place yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Try to ask yourself questions like – does my partner have a valid point? Should I be more accommodating to the needs of my partner? When you try and look at things from your partner’s point of view, you allow yourself to examine the situation at hand from a wider lens.
- Keep an Open Mind:
If you’re stuck in an argument with your partner, remember that it is not you versus your partner; it is you and your partner versus the problem. While it is easy to slip up and make a hurtful comment or two, try to refrain from getting disrespectful in a fit of angerIf you use hurtful words during an argument, then that can make it difficult for your partner to talk out their feelings with you, leaving both of you more hurt than before.
- Try to Replace Complaints with Requests:
You can communicate your concerns to your partner more clearly if you choose to replace your complaints with requests. Instead of saying statements like: “Why don’t you ever clean up your bedroom?”; you can always say: “The room is starting to get quite messy, do you mind cleaning it up with me?” This will help avoid tension between you and your partner and maintain healthy interactions.
- Learn to Listen to Each Other:
To ensure that all your worries and concerns are communicated to your partner, ensure that you don’t disturb the other when they are talking their heart out. And if you need to interrupt your partner while he or she is speaking, ensure that you do so in a respectful, polite tone.
On certain days, it might seem like the conversation is going in circles and you both have reached an impasse. In such situations, it is important to have healthy discussions and clear out your thoughts with each other from time to time.
Sometimes you can end up on the wrong end of a fight, and this can have certain far-reaching effects on your relationship. Such exaggerated fights within a marriage can lead to depression, anxiety, and eating disorders such as bulimia and anorexia.
So, if you’re stuck in such a situation, remember to avoid threatening your partner or talking to them condescendingly. Comparing your marriage with someone else’s is always a bad idea, so try not to do that either. If you think that you’re involved in a toxic relationship, then it’s always best for you to leave your abusive partner and protect your peace instead.
That said, when done correctly, engaging in a fight with your partner from time to time can be a learning experience for both. It is a great way to show that you and your partner are willing to overcome difficult situations together, and improve things for the better. It strengthens your relationship and lets both of you understand each other’s expectations, helping you come to a middle ground.
I think one of the biggest and most important must haves in any relationship is respect. Without respect – everything else falls through the cracks. If you respect one another, any fight will resolve . If there is no respect, then nothing will ever work, no matter how hard you try. To mend any relationship – learn how to respect each other first. If respect was lost, you can get it back, it will take some time – but it’s possible, just like anything else you need a will to make this happen, time to heal and learn and patience to bring magic back into your relationship!
In a nutshell, approaching disagreements the right way – with maturity and warmth is the golden trick to a happy, long-lasting and loving marriage . Always remember, even though fighting may seem like an unwanted thing in a relationship, resolving your problems by coming from a place of love and respect can definitely strengthen your relationship in the long run!