What are friends for really?

Just the other night I was thinking about all the people that have come and gone from my life in the past 20 years. Some stayed for short periods of time, others stayed for a decade. Looking back, I remember some who stayed a few days, some for a month, and some for three years. Why do we have so many people coming in and out of our lives?

As I was reminiscing about all my past friendships and acquaintances, I came to realize that they all have taught me something or brought someone else into my life that taught me something. There were good and bad times, with people involving me in tough experiences, and really good experiences. Some people brought bad people into my life, and some brought in good people. Every single one of them taught me something or brought some sort of learning experience or knowledge into my life.

Very sad. Very disappointing. I know that I am a very good friend, but just like everyone else, I am not perfect. But in general, I am a very caring and very giving friend.

I lost a few friends almost overnight when we just stopped speaking. I honestly have no idea what really happened there. Who did what wrong? Did I do or say something? Did they do or say something? Whomever it was – it is really irrelevant once the friendship is over. No one is going to go back and try to repair things. We all have feelings, our own priorities, and very different opinions. We all make decisions based on those feelings, priorities, and opinions.

When that friendship ended, I was lost. I didn’t know why they stopped talking to me. All I remember is that I couldn’t stop crying. Whatever reasons they had; I will never know. But does it even matter what her reasons were? That happened with another friend, and then another friend. Even though it hurt really bad, I cried as if I’d lost a family member, as with everything else in life, we eventually move on. With another friend – I had to end the friendship as it was unhealthy for me. I was not treated well, because for some reason what started as an amazing friendship eventually turned into one in which I was being used for her benefit. I was there just in case she needed someone to talk to (at least that is how I felt then, and still do).

All my friendships, all my experiences, and all I learned throughout the years of having those friends and acquaintances have made me who I am today. Unfortunately, trusting anyone is practically impossible for me now. I have my guard up and it’s really hard to put it down. But I still think it’s a good thing, because those friendships didn’t just teach me what people are all about, but more about values, priorities, and actually accepting other peoples’ opinions.

I hear day after day people discussing others and how they did them wrong after they had put their heart and soul into the friendship. And I’ve concluded that most people really don’t care anymore. It feels like everyone is out there to outdo one another, and they will do whatever they have to in order to benefit themselves.

When I was raised, I was taught to hear the other person and simply respect what they are about and what they have to say. In that sense I would show respect and would not do anything against the other person. It’s so rare to see this from others these days. I have had people tell me so many things about others that were very close to me and I actually believed them. This caused me to mess up the friendship, and it was all a lie – all so the other person could somehow benefit themself. I didn’t trust my heart, I trusted the “crap.” 

Depending on how each individual was raised, their education, and where they were brought up everyone acts and fixes these problems differently. Some have apologized, to some I have apologized, some have just let it be and put all their effort into restoring that friendship, and some will never understand what that friendship meant to them or what a friendship even is.